If You Were Mine Read online

  She rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe I fell for that.”

  I gave her a sheepish grin. “Sorry, couldn’t resist. But it’s true, Claire. Life is short. Do you really want to live yours this way? Never taking a risk? Never testing your limits?”

  “No,” she admitted. “But I don’t know how to make myself do it. I don’t know how to be different than I am. Even though sometimes I really, really wish I was.”

  “Believe me, I get that.” Fuck yes, I got that. “But you don’t have to be anyone else. You just have to stop staring over the edge and jump.”

  She looked up at me with huge eyes that said I want to trust you. “You make it sound easy.”

  “It could be. You just have to want it badly enough.”

  She lifted her chin slightly. “I do. I do want it.”

  Neither of us moved. Suddenly it felt like we were talking about something other than art. Oh, fuck. Her lips are so close to mine. I could kiss her right here, right now. Just once. No one would even question it. And I want to—I really fucking want to. Just to know what it feels like.

  Her lips fell open and she rose on tiptoe. Cursing myself, I stepped back. “Hey, give me a minute, OK? I need to use the bathroom real quick.”

  She blinked at me in surprise. “Oh. Of course. I’ll meet you back at the table.”

  I left her standing there and took off for the lobby, but instead of going into the men’s room, I went outside, hoping the cold air would clear my head.

  What the fuck was I thinking? I couldn’t kiss her. Not here, and not ever! Not only would it break the contract, it would confuse her. Claire wasn’t the kind of girl who messed around. She didn’t just give her kisses away—it would mean something to her. I would mean something to her.

  And she might mean something to me.

  I couldn’t let that happen.

  Ten

  Claire

  * * *

  Whoa. Whoa.

  I’d almost kissed him. My rent-a-date.

  I touched a hand to my stomach and caught my breath. My pulse was thundering in my ears. Had I lost my mind? He didn’t want to kiss me—this was all just a show! And I’d been enjoying it way too much. The private smiles we’d exchanged, the sweet things he’d said about me, the arm around the back of my chair, the kiss on the cheek. I was starstruck by him, a little girl with a crush on her favorite actor. How embarrassing that I’d puckered up like that!

  And how maddeningly unfair that the first guy I’d felt a spark with in years was only spending time with me because I was paying him.

  Suddenly I realized I was standing there alone on the dance floor like a statue, and I quickly headed for the lobby bathroom. Through the glass entry doors, I saw Theo standing outside near the valet stand, and for a moment I was terrified that I’d freaked him out so much he was going to take off on me.

  You idiot! I shoved open the ladies room door and locked myself into a stall. Were you thinking it was real? It’s not! Everything tonight has been fake!

  At that moment, I realized part of me had been thinking it was real. On one level, I’d known why he was here, but on another, I’d felt real chemistry with him. A real attraction. I’d started to hope for more.

  And wasn’t it just like me to get caught up in this as if it were one of my Hallmark romances! But it wasn’t. And those things didn’t happen to me. Despite the red lipstick and the lacey dress and the tumble-down hair, I was still Claire French, art teacher. Girl Scout volunteer. Wallflower.

  His voice echoed in my ears. You don’t have to be anyone else. You just have to stop staring over the edge and jump.

  Theo didn’t get it. He’d probably never been scared of anything in his life. He was so cool and detached, just wandering around the country flying planes and escorting lonely women to weddings. He didn’t understand what it was like to have your whole heart set on something and be too afraid of failure to go for it.

  Even the near kiss felt like a failure, one I wasn’t sure how to recover from. Did I just pretend it hadn’t happened? I closed my eyes and leaned back against the stall door, fighting tears. Things had been going so well—in fact, it was the most fun I’d had on a date in… Jesus, maybe ever! And it was all fake.

  Get over it, Claire. This thing is done. You’re never going to see him again, and that’s that. What could ever come of it, anyway? He’s not what you want. Now buck up enough moxie to get out of this bathroom, face him, and go home.

  Sighing, I pushed myself off the wall and left the stall, stopping for a moment to wash my hands. In the mirror over the sink, I noticed some lipstick on my teeth and watched my cheeks flame with embarrassment. God, couldn’t I do anything right? I grabbed a tissue and wiped off the smudge, then angrily tried to rub off as much of the color as I could. Who was I kidding? I’d never been audacious a day in my life.

  I tossed the tissue in the trash and left the bathroom, doing my best to hold my head high, even though all I wanted to do was curl up on my couch with a fuzzy blanket, the remote, and a box of Moose Munch.

  At least Theo hadn’t left. He was sitting back at the table, and he stood when I approached.

  “Hey,” he said, his mouth curving into a smile. “I thought I’d lost you.”

  “Oh, she’ll never let you get away,” said Fran. “It took her too long to find you.”

  I managed a wry smile, even though it sort of felt like a joke at my expense. “Sorry. I was in the bathroom.”

  “Better not leave this one alone for too long,” teased Fran. “I noticed a lot of women checking him out.”

  “I only have eyes for Claire.” Theo winked at me, but I was over this game.

  “I’m actually not feeling very well. Are you ready to go?” I asked him as I picked up my purse from my chair.

  “Of course. Are you OK?”

  “I’m fine.” Not that you really care.

  Turning to my colleagues who were left at the table, I said goodnight and told them I’d see them Monday. Without waiting for Theo, I began marching toward the coat check. I heard him say it was nice meeting them and he hoped to see them again soon—ha!—and felt his hand inside my elbow a moment later.

  “Hey,” he said, gently pulling my arm. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” Even I was surprised at my poker face. “I’m just ready to go home.” His face fell, and for a moment I felt a twinge of doubt. Maybe he did care. But a second, later his expression was blank.

  “Whatever you want,” he said. “You’re the boss.”

  Right. And you’re my employee. The reminder of the exact nature of our relationship was enough to ground me solidly in reality. “We must be over the three hours, anyway.”

  Theo looked at his watch. “Just barely. I didn’t even notice.”

  “Time flies when you’re having fake fun.”

  His brow wrinkled. “What’s going on with you?”

  Dropping the icy facade, I felt my shoulders droop. “I just want to go home.” Before I fall apart.

  “OK. I’ll take you.” Ever the gentleman, Theo retrieved my coat and held it up while I put it on. He even tipped the coat check woman and the valet driver who brought the car around.

  “I’ll pay you back for that stuff,” I said, digging in my purse as he pulled out of the parking lot.

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  “No, here.” I held up a ten-dollar bill.

  “I don’t want it.”

  “Take it,” I snapped, tossing the money onto his lap. For some reason, it bugged me that he was so nice. It would have been better if he’d been mean. Maybe not serial killer mean, but something other than what he was.

  He glanced at me, but said nothing.

  The two of us remained silent the entire ride home. I spent the twenty minutes chastising myself for all the dumb decisions that had led me to this humiliating episode, starting with lying to Elyse. I should have known better.

  I peeked over at Theo a couple times, but I had
no idea what he was thinking about. He just kept rubbing one finger along his lower lip, his expression grim, his jaw tight.

  He pulled into my driveway, and I was about to get out when he put a hand on my leg.

  “Claire.”

  “What?”

  “Did I do something to offend you?”

  Yes. Made me think you could care. “No.”

  “Was something wrong about the way tonight was handled?”

  Jesus. Was he worried about his business? “Don’t worry. I’ll give you a glowing review, just like the rest of them.”

  “I’m not worried about that. I’m worried about you.”

  “Ha.”

  “Ha?”

  “Ha!” I said again, louder this time. “Why would you be worried about me?”

  “Because we’re…friends.”

  “We’re not friends! We’re not anything! No, I take it back, we’re boss and employee right now, but in a minute when I go inside, we’ll go back to being nothing, and I’ll never see you again. It’s my fault for getting caught up in this stupid charade. For thinking something real was there.” Shut up, shut up, shut up! You’re only making it worse!

  Theo threw the car in park, but left it running as he shifted in his seat to face me. “Is that what this is about?”

  Wrapping my arms around myself, I stared straight ahead.

  “Hey.” Putting his fingers beneath my chin, he forced me to look at him. “Talk to me, please.”

  I jerked my head away. “No.”

  “Why not?” His soft voice was breaking me down.

  “Because I’m embarrassed.”

  “About what?”

  “About…what I just said. About what I almost did on the dance floor.” I lowered my voice to a whisper. “I almost kissed you.”

  His silence stretched out so long, I finally had to look over at him. In the dark, his expression was hard to read, so his next words shocked me. “I promise you, Claire, what you almost did on the dance floor was nothing compared to what I want to do to you right now.”

  My jaw dropped. “What?”

  “But Claire.” Whatever he said next was swallowed by the thunderous pounding of my heart.

  “Wait a minute. Wait a minute.” I held up one hand. “What do you want to do to me right now?”

  His jaw twitched. “It’s a long list.”

  “Start at the top.”

  “No.”

  “Please, Theo.” My heart hadn’t slowed down one bit. In fact, it was galloping wildly out of control, and taking my imagination with it.

  “No. I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  He laughed grimly. “That list is almost as long.”

  “Is it because of the Promise?”

  “There’s that.”

  “And what else?”

  He ran a hand over his stubble, and my stomach flipped as I wondered what it would feel like on my skin. “Theo, you have no idea how bad I feel about myself tonight. Just tell me I’m not crazy. Tell me it wasn’t all pretend.”

  “You’re not crazy.”

  “Tell me something else,” I whispered. “Please.” His words were like a drug—I needed more. Even if the high was only temporary. Even if the crash would hurt.

  He looked at me. “I’ve never met anyone as beautiful as you.”

  My toes tingled, and it wasn’t the cold. “Really?”

  “Really. And I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone as badly as I wanted to kiss you on that dance floor.”

  The tingle moved up my legs. Was he leaning closer to me? “Really?”

  “Really. And I’ve never wanted to taste someone the way I want to taste you.”

  The tingle nestled between my thighs. He was slowly closing the distance between us, his eyes on my lips.

  “But it’s a bad idea,” he said, his mouth so near mine I could almost feel his breath. He took my face in his hands. “Such a fucking bad idea.”

  “And you’re scared,” I whispered. “You don’t know what will happen.”

  “Actually, I do know what will happen.” He rubbed his lips against mine, so gently I wanted to scream. “Because I’m not good at stopping.”

  A little sound of want and frustration escaped the back of my throat. “Theo,” I begged. “Jump.”

  Strong hands angled my head as his mouth closed over mine, wide and full and warm. His tongue stroked between my lips, setting my entire body on fire. He tasted like winter, and I could smell the season on his skin—something woodsy and smoky and sweet. His kiss was powerful and deep, and it stirred something inside me that I hadn’t felt in forever—desire.

  I clung to it, let it build, pulled my gloves off to thread my fingers through his hair, breathed him in. I struggled to get closer despite all the barriers between us—clothing and coat and seat belts. I needed more. I needed skin.

  I surprised myself by asking for it. “Do you want to come inside?”

  He groaned and rested his forehead against mine. “You know I do. But I shouldn’t.”

  “Listen. I’m usually the first person to do what I should, but tonight, I want to do something else.” I remembered his words from earlier. “I want to test my limits a little. You can test yours.”

  He groaned again, louder this time. “You’re killing me. I’m usually the first person to take a dare, but I’m trying to do the right thing here.”

  “What’s the worst that could happen?” To help persuade him, I let one hand wander up the top of his thigh. When he didn’t stop me, I moved it between his legs, and my thumb brushed over the tip of his erection. I kept it there, rubbing my thumb back and forth over the ridge pushing against his pants. I don’t know where I found the nerve, but I was damn glad I had.

  “Fuck,” he whispered. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.”

  He fisted his hands in my hair so hard and fast I gasped. “Good. Because I have no limits to test, but I’ll be damn happy to test yours.”

  My heart raced as we bolted from the car to the house. While I struggled to unlock the front door, Theo reached beneath my coat and dress, sliding his bare hands up the sides of my thighs. His mouth descended on my neck, his tongue hot on my skin. My fumbling fingers finally managed to get the key in the lock, turn it, and push open the door.

  We moved inside the house with Theo pressed against my back, his hands already moving to the buttons on my coat. Tilting my head to one side, I reached up and grabbed a handful of his hair. His tongue was doing things to my throat that made my legs wobble. Somehow we made it into the living room, which was lit only by the colored lights on my Christmas tree.

  When my coat was unbuttoned, he pushed it down my arms and tossed it aside. Immediately his hands returned to my thighs, yanking up the bottom of my dress and taking my shapewear with it. One hand moved between my legs, his fingertips touching me intimately.

  He went still. “You’re not wearing underwear?”

  “No. That dress is too tight.”

  “Fuuuuuck,” he said, dragging the word out. “Good thing I didn’t know this sooner. It was hard enough to keep my hands off you all night.” He slid one long finger along the soft, slick seam, making my breath catch. I angled my head so I could kiss him, and his tongue slipped into my mouth just as his finger slid inside me. My knees trembled—it had been so long since anyone had touched me this way.

  Theo’s other hand closed over one breast, kneading it beneath his palm. I wanted to stop and take my dress all the way off, but I didn’t want him to stop what he was doing. He teased my clit with wet fingertips, mimicking the stroke of his tongue against mine. Then he pushed two fingers inside me. My hips moved of their own accord, and I clung to his neck. Behind me I could feel his cock rubbing against my lower back.

  “You’re so wet, it’s so fucking hot.” Theo’s voice was different, raspier, needier. No teasing lilt of laughter in it. “I want to bury my head in your thighs, get my tongue right here,” he said, torturing me with soft, quic
k swirls over my clit. “Then I want to fuck you with it. Would you like that?”

  “Yes,” I whispered, shock mingling with excitement. No one had ever talked to me like this before.

  A second later, Theo spun me around and picked me up, my legs wrapping around his torso, my dress riding above my hips. He brought me over to the couch, set me on the cushions, and knelt down in front of it. “Don’t move.”

  I watched him wrest the coat from his shoulders and take off his tie, my insides tight with anticipation. His eyes held mine as he unbuttoned the top few buttons of his dress shirt and rolled up the cuffs, exposing one thick wrist and then the other. His chest looked broad and muscular, I was dying to touch it. But when I reached out, Theo put a hand on my chest and shoved me against the back of the couch. Then he parted my knees, reached underneath my thighs, and yanked me to the edge so that my chin nearly rested on my chest. “Patience, princess.”

  “But I want to touch you.” I moaned as he kissed his way up one trembling leg.

  “I’m going to let you.” His lips and tongue traveled up the other leg. “But not until I make you come.”

  My breath caught as I felt his tongue stroke up my center and circle slowly over my clit. My fingernails scraped at the upholstery on the couch.

  “Not until I make you scream.” He slid two fingers inside me, so deep I gasped.

  “Not until I make you beg.” His mouth closed over my clit and sucked greedily as he fucked me with his fingers. My insides clenched up so tight my feet came off the floor, as if the energy in my body was drawing itself in, a wave retreating before the surge. Just when I was at the peak, he pulled his hand from me and slipped his tongue inside. I gasped at the decadent heat of it, the startling intimacy, the shocking sensation of being devoured inside and out. My fingers found his hair and curled inside it, my jaw resting on my chest as I watched him bury his face between my legs. He rubbed his thumb hard and fast over my clit as his tongue thrust inside, driving me to a place of want so fierce it frightened me. Impulses I’d never felt had me grinding against him. Sounds I’d never made, frantic and feral, escaped my throat, the pitch rising higher and higher as I reached the breaking point. And when I finally exploded, my body pulsing with years of pent-up frustration, I screamed so loud and long I thought the windows might shatter.