Hold You Close Read online

  “All right, enough about me, let’s get going, we have a lot of ground to cover,” Ian says.

  Christopher grabs my bag, and we all start to walk. I place my hand on Ian’s arm. “Thank you for this. It was really sweet.”

  He gives me one of his cocky grins. “I’m a sweet guy.”

  “You’re something, all right.”

  “I promised you things would change. I thought a lot about you when you were gone, and I don’t want things to go the way they have before, Lon.”

  “I don’t either.”

  I want more. I want Ian and me to have a real shot at something, if it’s possible. There’s a deep history between us, but that’s also the scary part. What if things don’t work out? What do we do about the kids? I can’t imagine my life without them in it, and he’s their guardian. Do I think he’d keep them from me? No. But he could.

  His hand cups my cheek. “I meant what I said before you left. You might think I’ve charmed you before, but you haven’t seen anything yet. I hope you’re ready.”

  My throat goes dry at his promise. “What if I’m not?”

  He smiles down at me. “Then you better find a way—and fast.”

  Fourteen

  Ian

  My plan is simple. Get London to let her freaking steel walls down and see that I’m a good guy.

  That’s it.

  How the fuck I plan to do that? Not a clue.

  The entire weekend I tried to remember any stupid detail my sister had rambled on about when it came to London. Of course, I had purposely tuned out anyone talking when her name came up to avoid feelings I didn’t want to feel, so I had to get creative.

  Things London likes: cats, terrible music, numbers, boring shit about business, and sun. I see her sitting out on her deck all the time, a book in her hand, those long bare legs stretched out on a deck chair, her horrible 90s boy-band music playing. I swear to God, London has good taste when it comes to many things, but music is not one of them. She and Sabrina used to drive me crazy playing that shit twenty-four hours a day.

  But today is all about getting her to see me in a new light, so I’ve loaded up a London Playlist with all kinds of crap by bands like N’Sync, Backstreet Boys, and Four Blocks Down. I’m going to indulge her in every way possible.

  Even if my eardrums suffer for it. Mightily.

  “This is all you have?” I ask her, reaching for the handle of her small black suitcase.

  “Yes. I traveled light.” She lowers her face to the roses and inhales, her eyes closing. “Thank you for this.”

  “You’re welcome.” I look at the kids, give Morgan a wink. “Should we go?”

  The two girls shout “Yes!” and Christopher gives a nod. He’s had a decent weekend so far, and we even had what I thought was a pretty good talk last night after I got home from the club. I can’t wait to tell London about it.

  “Where are we going?” asks London as we start heading toward the parking lot, Morgan and Christopher in the lead.

  “It’s a surprise.” I take Ruby’s other hand so she doesn’t get lost in the crowd.

  “Can I go home and clean up first?”

  “We’ll go by your house, and you’ll have two minutes to run in and change.”

  “Into what?”

  “A bathing suit.”

  She grins at me. “That’s it?”

  “That’s it.”

  “Then two minutes is all I’ll need. Maybe one more to feed Eli Walsh.”

  “Morgan and Ruby fed your cat this morning.”

  She smiles at Ruby. “Thanks, girls. How’s he doing? Did he miss me?”

  “No, because we went over and played with him a lot,” Morgan says over her shoulder. “We didn’t want him to be lonely without you, like Uncle Ian.”

  “Hey.” I frown in my niece’s direction, wishing I had a free hand to poke her. “I never said I was lonely.”

  “I asked you if you missed her and you said yes. That means you were lonely,” she says sweetly, like duh.

  London giggles. “She’s poking all kinds of holes in your game, Ian. Pretty soon you’ll have none left.”

  “Oh, I will always have game,” I say confidently, sticking out my chest a little as we cross the street. It feels good to hear her laugh. It feels good to be getting along with her. It feels good to walk like this, Ruby between us, Morgan and Chris just ahead, almost like we’re a family.

  Somewhere, Sabrina is smiling. I know it.

  True to her word, London is in and out of her house in two minutes, wearing a black cover-up, flip flops, a big straw hat, and carrying a beach bag.

  She’s a little breathless when she gets back in the car. “Whew. How’d I do?”

  “Perfect.”

  She buckles her seatbelt and pulls a pair of sunglasses out of her bag. Slipping them on, she looks into the back of the minivan as I pull out of her driveway. “I brought a bunch of sunscreen, you guys. We need to make sure we get some on you if we’re going to be outside.”

  “We already put it on, and we packed some,” Morgan announces.

  I can’t help feeling triumphant when London looks at me, her mouth falling open.

  “Who are you?” she asks. “And what have you done with the real Ian Chase?”

  “Babe, I’m just getting started.” Grinning, I glance at the dash and turn up the volume on the car stereo, which is already connected to my phone and playing one of her favorites, “Once in a Lifetime.”

  She gasps and stares at the radio like it’s performing magic. Then she squeals like a teenager. “I love this song!”

  “I know.”

  She starts singing along, fake mic and all, and I have to laugh because she has a horrible singing voice, but she does not care at all. Even the kids are groaning in the back, but London is in the zone.

  “You’re the only girl I see. I want to wake up next to you. Will you be my once in a lifetime?” she croons dramatically.

  I wonder if my windshield will crack.

  “Uncle Ian, is she going to do this all the way to Lake Mead?” Christopher asks.

  London stops singing and straightens up in the seat. “Lake Mead?”

  “We rented a boat!” cries Ruby.

  “You guys, you weren’t supposed to give it away,” Morgan scolds.

  “That’s okay,” I say quickly, catching Ruby’s eye in the rearview mirror and giving her a wink. Her expression goes from worried back to joyful in a heartbeat. “It’s not that long of a ride, so she’d probably guess it pretty soon.”

  London claps her hands. “I love Lake Mead! And I haven’t been on a boat in forever. When I lived in Chicago, my roommate’s family had a boat on Lake Michigan they kept at Belmont Harbor—well, it was fifty-five feet long, so it was more like a yacht—and I loved when they’d invite me out on it.”

  “Well, princess, I’m sorry to say, our boat today is only a twenty-two footer”—she reaches over and slaps my arm—“but it’s perfect for waterskiing and tubing and knee boarding.”

  She bounces around in her seat. “Really? Oh my God, I haven’t done any of that stuff in years! I’m not even sure I remember how.”

  “I’ll teach you again.” I glance at her, wondering if she remembers.

  A smile curves her lips. “That’s right. You taught Brina and me to water ski that summer your family got the place in Lake Tahoe. God, that was fun, wasn’t it?”

  “Yeah.” For a moment, both of us get a little lost in the memory of that summer on the lake, when my sister was alive and life was uncomplicated, and our biggest problem was whether to kayak or windsurf each morning. “What was that, like twenty years ago?”

  “Nineteen, I think. I remember I’d turned sixteen just before we went.”

  Morgan pipes up from the backseat. “Aunt London, what were you like when you were sixteen?”

  “She was an annoying little pipsqueak just like your mother,” I say with a grin. “Those two used to drive me crazy.” Imitating their high
-pitched teenaged voices, I go on. “Ian, will you take us out on the boat? Ian, can you teach us how to waterski? Ian, will you put the kayak in the water for us?”

  London leans toward me and smacks the top of my thigh. “And your uncle here was a big meanie. He never wanted us around, but your grandma and grandpa said he had to put up with us.”

  “What was my mom like at sixteen?” Morgan asks.

  My throat gets a little tight, so I’m glad when London answers the question, turning to face the back seat. “She was the best friend you could ask for. Outgoing, fun, always up for an adventure, always laughing, always sweet. Everyone loved her. And she was so loyal—she’d do anything for you. All you had to do was ask.”

  “Did she like this music too?”

  “Oh, totally. We used to blast it in her bedroom and drive everyone in the house nuts. One time your uncle stole all your mom’s CDs and hid them.”

  “True story,” I say. “And I’m not sorry. You guys were obnoxious.”

  “What are CDs?” Ruby asks.

  I groan as London bursts out laughing, touching my leg again. This time she leaves her hand there. “It’s how we listened to music when we were young,” she explains. Then she looks at me. “That means we’re old, doesn’t it?”

  “Probably. But we don’t have to act like it.” When I glance at her, she has a sexy little smile on her face that makes the crotch of my shorts feel tight.

  “No. We don’t.” She lets her fingers brush inappropriately close to my junk before pulling her hand away, and it’s hard to keep a grin off my face.

  I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time.

  “Uncle Ian, do we have to go home?” Morgan is wrapped in her towel, her hair dripping, her nose and cheeks pink despite the sunscreen. “I don’t want to.”

  “I’m afraid so. And we have to return the boat by seven, so we should probably start heading back.”

  Her face falls, and I don’t blame her a bit. It’s been a perfect afternoon—the weather hot and sunny, the water cool and refreshing, the kids laughing and enjoying themselves more than I’ve seen them do since losing their parents.

  Even London is more relaxed than usual. She’s a little rabid about the sunscreen, but it was kind of nice when she offered to put some on my back and shoulders. Her hands on my skin heated me up even more than the sun, and she pressed her lips to the back of my neck, prompting Morgan to taunt, “Are you guys in love or something?”

  Rather than answer, I picked her up and tossed her over the side of the boat into the lake.

  “Can I drive the boat back, Uncle Ian?” Christopher asks from where he’s sitting with Ruby in the open bow.

  I check my phone and see that it’s already close to seven. Much as I don’t want this day to end, I have to be at work by ten at the latest, and I still have to feed them dinner. “Sure. You guys ready to go? Do we have everyone on board?”

  London, leaning back on her hands, legs outstretched across the cushion at the back of the boat, looks from kid to kid. “One, two, three. I think we’re all here.” Rising to her feet, she calls to Ruby. “Come here, honey, and let’s get your life jacket back on, okay? You too, Morgan and Chris.” She smiles at the young girl and puts a hand beneath her chin. “God, you look just like your mom at your age with your hair all slicked back that way.”

  Morgan grins. “I do?”

  London nods and gives her a hug, but I don’t miss the sniff. She’s wearing sunglasses, but I know if she took them off, I’d see tears in her eyes. Sabrina and David have been on my mind too today, and I like thinking that they’re happy as they watch over us. I want their faith in me to be justified. It’s becoming more important to me every day.

  When all the kids have their life jackets on, we head back to the marina, turn in the boat, and pile into the car for the forty-five minute drive home. On the way, London offers to get the kids fed while I get ready for work.

  “Thanks,” I say, giving her a grateful smile. “That helps. I was just planning to order a pizza, but there are some things in the fridge if you feel like cooking.”

  “I’ll make them something. I don’t mind. They could probably use something healthy since they’ve been eating chips and drinking pop all day.” She looks over at me says quickly, “I don’t mean that as a criticism. I ate the chips, too.”

  Laughing, I reach over and squeeze her hand. “It’s okay. Thanks for the help. And I promise I’m going to take you to dinner one night this week.”

  “That would be nice.”

  Back at my house, the kids tromp upstairs to shower and clean up, tired and cranky after a day in the sun. London heads for the kitchen, tosses her hat and sunglasses on the counter, and opens the fridge. “Oh, perfect,” she says. “You’ve got chicken breasts and bell peppers. I’ll make a stir fry. Do you have any rice?”

  “Pantry, I think.” I set my keys on the table.

  “Great. I’m just going to run over to my house and grab a quick shower. Be right back.” She tries to move past me but I catch her around the waist, wishing she didn’t have to go, even for a quick shower.

  “Hey,” I say gruffly.

  Smiling, she lets me pull her close. Her hands rest on my chest. “What?”

  I kiss her softly. “Did you have a nice day?”

  Her lips curve into a smile. “Yes. Did you?”

  “Yes. I think the kids liked it too.”

  “I know they did. We should do things like this with them more often. Wasn’t it wonderful to see them smiling like that? Especially Christopher.”

  “He and I had a nice talk last night.”

  Her eyebrows rise. “Did you? About what?”

  “A lot of things. But mostly that it’s okay for him to miss his parents. I told him how much I miss my sister, and I think he was glad to hear that.”

  Her eyes drop for a moment. “I think he really wants to be strong, but it’s kind of an act, you know? And if he tries to bury all that pain . . .”

  “That’s probably my fault. When it first happened, I handled him like my father handled me all my life. Told him a man needs to hold it together, be brave for the women, not show weakness.” I could tell she wanted to say something, but bit her lip instead. “But maybe that isn’t the right approach with Chris. He seems a little more sensitive than I was at his age. More like his mom.”

  “I think you’re right.”

  “Anyway, I think he felt better afterward.”

  She smiles. “Good job, Uncle Ian.”

  I close my eyes for a second. “But I still feel like I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”

  “It’s okay. You’re doing great, and I’m here for you. We’re a team. United front, remember?”

  “I really want to make a joke about uniting fronts right now.”

  Laughing, she gently pushes me away and tries to get around me. “I have to go change or I’ll never get out of this wet suit.”

  I catch her again from behind, wrapping my arms around her. “I could help with that.”

  “Ian, stop!” She giggles and attempts to pry my arms from her waist but they’re locked tight. “You’re going to be late for work.”

  “Fuck work.” And I realize something—I don’t even want to go to work. For the first time I can remember, I’d rather stay home and hang out with her and the kids than be at the club with its huge crowd and loud music and drunk girls falling all over me. What the actual fuck?

  London stops moving. “Can you? I mean, do you have to go in?”

  I exhale and drop a kiss on her shoulder. She smells like sunscreen and summertime. “Yeah, I do. But I’ll get out of there as soon as I can. No pressure, but you’re welcome to stay over. Wait—fuck that. Stay over.”

  She turns in my arms and looks up at me. “You want me to?”

  “Yes. I might be late, but I’ve been thinking about you in my bed for two lonely nights. Stay.”

  Her eyes brighten and then she smiles. “Okay, I’ll be here.�
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  I lean down and kiss her, while my heart races.

  Maybe we can actually make it work this time.

  Fifteen

  London

  “Aunt London, are you going to marry Uncle Ian?” Ruby asks as I’m tucking her in.

  Oh, Lord. This is the absolute last thing I want to talk about. “Umm.” I cough and fidget with her stuffed panda. “Do you want me to read you a bedtime story?”

  “Yes, please. The one about the princess and the frog.”

  Great. A fairytale about a frog turning into a prince. No symmetry there. “You’ve got it.”

  I lean over to the stack, fishing out the book she requested, grateful that five-year-olds are so easy to divert from the topic you want to avoid. She rests her head on my chest as I read, showing the photos as I go. We get to the end and she lets out a huge sigh. “Uncle Ian could be the prince and you can be the princess. You fall in love and get married, just like in the book.”

  Do I burst her bubble about her uncle? No, that would be cruel, but the woman in me can’t let this opportunity pass. I hear Sabrina in my head about not ever needing a man, but having one because you want him.

  “You know, a princess doesn’t need a prince to be happy,” I tell her as I kiss the top her head.

  “Really?”

  “Yup. In fact, some of the greatest women we know don’t have a prince.”

  She scrunches her nose. “But Uncle Ian looks just like the prince did. And he took us on the boat.”

  Well, he looks better than the prince, but that’s not the point. “Your uncle is pretty great, but I think the princess is happy because she found someone who was a good man and loved her for who she is.”

  Ruby yawns and moves to her pillow. “Okay. I still think you should be a princess and be happily after ever with Uncle Ian.”

  I giggle at her reversed words. “It’s happily ever after.”

  “With Uncle Ian.”

  I’m totally not getting through to her.

  “You never know,” I say softly. My heart aches a little as I remember how I felt like that about him once before. Ian was the prince of my dreams. I would’ve done anything for him to love me.